You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize