I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
