I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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