So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
