the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
