No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
