So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
