i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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