I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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