wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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