She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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