I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
