The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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