JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
