the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
