genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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