Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
