ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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