you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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