when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
