don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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