i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
home. puking in laundry basket.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
