If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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