Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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