I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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