I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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