I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
