sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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