Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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