Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
