cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
