you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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