Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
