I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
