I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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