I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
