my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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