Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
