Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
