Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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