I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Couch. On fire.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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