I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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