omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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