My brain says no but my pants say off.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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