so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All the doctor said was why
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
