I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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