Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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