Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
