I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I touched a dick in church today
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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