Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so much tequila, so little girl.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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