You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
