Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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