Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
