Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize