I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
