the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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