True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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