I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
