I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
