I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
