At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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