So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
