I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
