How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
