I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
