I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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