Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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