So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
